Blessed

The past few days have reminded me of just how blessed I am. Of just how much I have to be thankful of. I grew up in Singapore, and now I’m living in Japan, both very advanced first world countries where life for me has been rather comfortable. My family is not well off but we are able to enjoy life comfortably enough and get by. I was lucky enough to get this scholarship and study overseas. We could save money on university tuition and use it to pay medical bills instead.

I live a comfortable, safe life and thought I would always continue to do so. I thought life in Japan would remain a dream. That nothing would happen in this safe, safe, country. But life isn’t always so perfect, is it?

Recently, my bag was stolen. It contained my wallet (that contained about $200) and other important possessions. I had to make a police report, cancel cards, call the embassy…a lot of things to panic about. And all in a foreign country and having to deal with everything in a language I was familiar but not extremely fluent in (thank goodness my Japanese had improved to at least this level though. Things would definitely not have gone as smoothly otherwise). With my bumbling vocabulary, somehow I made it through. My things were returned to me and everything but the money left intact. The experienced scared me.

It also reminded me of how a while back, I was involved in a traffic accident during a road trip with friends. I was just a passenger in the car but we were stranded far from home with no way to go back and police reports as well as dealing with insurance and also the fact that almost none of us were fluent enough to properly deal with everything. We did, thankfully, have one Japanese friend with us on the trip who unfortunately had to do all the talking and sorting out of paperwork but because she was also a passenger, did not know the full details. That night, I had to translate things from English to Japanese and then from Japanese to English the best I could. It was complicated and I was afraid of messing details up but somehow in the end, it worked out.

So far, no one was hurt. The only injuries sustained thus far in my life have been things that were self inflicted, or even if something terrible happened, be it in Japan or Singapore, somehow I, or we, have made it through. I always have someone to talk to if I need it, people who let me rely on them if I need, people who comfort me when I cry and people who make me feel needed, loved, important.

I’ve had bad experiences. I’ve been a bad person. I’ve had terrible times when all I wanted to do was cry and hope things would get better. I had times when I couldn’t express myself in a form other than anger, and I’ve hurt people because of that. I’ve hurt people with how selfish I was.

But still, I think I would still appreciate everything that has happened in my life. All the bad things. All the good things. Because I think I’ve been learning from them.

I wrote about my insecurities a while back, and now I’m better, I’m happier. I finally wrote about what had been bugging me and let go of a fruitless friendship I’d been clinging on to. I’m still learning to not be as self-centered and attention grabbing and learning how to give people their time of day. I’m trying to be a better listener.

At the end of this post I’m not even sure what I wanted to write about in the first place. But a friend told me that she doesn’t believe in coincidences, that everything happens for a reason. Everything that has happened has led me to where I am now, who I am now.

There is still so much to learn.

(Okay I think this was also just me procrastinating from making a new thesis draft due Monday that I really haven’t touched at all. I also don’t want to think about graduation and work and just want to lie in bed all day doing nothing. I suppose those things will figure themselves out. Wait no, I’ll figure them out. Soon.)

P.S. Happy second month!! I still can’t believe how you came into my life when I was least expecting it but I’m glad you’re here now.

P.P.S Long distance sucks.

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