I’ve got so much to be thankful for. Being so caught up in my own melancholy has made me forget how to enjoy life somewhat, but I’m slowly starting to appreciate things again. Smiling at each sunset I see, each laugh, each moment spent with people precious to me. Finally, it’s beginning to become beautiful in my head again.
One year ago, Louise and I went to many lives to mark the end of her year in Japan, to mark the end of that chapter, but tonight, one year later, we went to a live together again, and it was the most fun I’ve had in a while. Feeling the energy coursing through me, release in each time I pumped my fist in the air, each time I let out a cry. Ecstasy. Each note, resonating within me, the emotions burned into my soul. I felt alive.
At the bar where the merchandise tables were, suddenly, fade’s ‘Beautiful’ came on. I recognized the ring of Jon’s voice, the melody I’d heard live. I sung along, oblivious to the stares, remarks, it was only me, and the song.
“Fallen miracles, finding myself
In the darkness I seek light
Crawling under hidden feelings
As I sit here I feel free”
I miss them. The band that changed my life, allowed me to meet so many wonderful people I cherish as friends now, find so many new bands to listen to, music that has been by my side and helped me through.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, I said over and over tonight, with each handshake, each hug, each smile and each photo, I etched the memories onto myself for fears I would lose this euphoria one day. I’ve missed this.
So many other small things have happened that make me feel so blessed, so thankful. A professor of mine saw me in school the other day, came over and said hi, then told me he’d read my article for GaijinPot. That he was so proud and about how much he loved it that he’d wanted to boast that I’d taken his class before, been his student. I couldn’t stop grinning.
I saw the beautiful lights in school, the special 125th anniversary and Christmas projection and had a great dinner and conversation with a friend. I’ve made other new friends too, friends who enjoy the same things I do and I don’t feel awkward around.
“Take care of yourself ah!!” come the reminders from my Mom. I don’t call her often enough.
The two friends I talk to about anything and everything under the stars. Planet, who I miss sorely if there’s even a day we don’t message each other. Tea, who always reacts amusingly to what I send to her, who shares silly cute passions with me. The group chat I have with the friends who are so far away and I’m blessed to have met, to the silly selfies and random conversations, to the strings of stickers and laughter induced.
To every comment I receive, every like, every tweet, the ping of a notification that puts a smile on my face. It feels like validation that I am alive, though living, breathing, this existence of mine is validation of who I am.
There is so much more I wish to say, so much more I want to share, but I can’t put it in words.
I feel like Thank you is all I can say. I remember in an old post, saying that I wanted my last words to be Thank you. Truly, how do two words encapsulate so much?