“It’s so beautiful, in my head”

I will be strong.

And I will love myself. I will love myself even though I am not skinny, I am not pretty. I have acne and a round, fat face. I am short, and have fat thighs and arms. I am insecure. But I will love myself, and I will try to be positive. I will be happy and not hate myself for not being this ideal skinny, pretty girl.

I’d like to think I got prettier since coming to Japan. I have been losing weight. Not much, but I’ve dropped a full dress size. I can’t drop another one cause my boobs won’t fit into the dresses. Everything else fits though (but sometimes I have problems cause of my fat arms).

I bought cute new bras from ASOS. I have cute dresses, some which fit extremely flatteringly and awesome. Now I need an occasion to wear them. Like a date.

I have no dates, and haven’t been on one in forever. I dress up to meet friends but always plan and think of how I have the perfect date outfit just sitting in my wardrobe. One day I will have a guy who likes me for who I am.

I am not skinny, I am not pretty, I am not everyone’s ideal arm candy. All I can promise is that I will be happy, sincere, committed and will work hard to be a good girlfriend. I will laugh at your lame jokes, no matter how bad, cause I love lame jokes. I don’t need large acts or things to make me happy. Just spending your time with me will be enough. Talking to me, sending me messages. Tolerating me when I get hyper and decide to send 10 emoji/stickers on LINE in a row, taking photos together or just having quiet moments, just the two of us.

One day.

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