Friendship

Sometimes I feel like a bad friend, or someone who is bad at making friends and continuing/cultivating friendships. It happens when I start to write letters to people and I realise I don’t really know what to write. I feel like I end up writing the same things over and over and then I realise it’s because I don’t know the people well enough to know what to write to them, for them.

(Bad friend because I don’t know what to do in a lot of situations and end up awkwardly doing nothing then realising what I could and perhaps should have done. Then regret not thinking of it sooner and feeling even more awkward.)

I’m only truly close to a very small number of people, I guess right now I’d say only three people. And when I think back, I realise most of the time, they initiated the friendship and it took a while to grow. Now the line blurs and I just can’t remember when we became friends and it feels like we’ve always been friends. I can’t imagine or remember the days when we weren’t friends. And it has been years.

To my Twoin. I vaguely remember you suddenly talking to me one day. We’d been in the same CCA for 2 years (or was it one?), and when the friends who joined with me quit and I was all alone, you welcomed me into your group and into your circle of friends. We weren’t in the same class, we didn’t have anything together besides ICC and later A Math and Non-OBS Activities but you became an integral part of my life. We could be silly with each other, there was no past/heavy burdens/animosity cause you didn’t see those ugly sides of myself. Well, you did, and when you told me, and we patched things up after, I feel like we got closer. Now we’re really like Twoins, completing each other’s sentences, thinking the same things and liking the same stuff. Life wouldn’t be the same without you.

To Tea. It’s funny, cause we’d met a long time before we became actual friends and you remember things better than I do so you probably remembered me better than I did you. You were the girl who was also in Mrs L’s car and that awkward conversation we had… ahaha, can you imagine how awkward we used to be? (I always remember that as the first time we met but you said I’d walked into the wrong class on day 1 of school and you remembered me since) Then we were in the same class!! And I don’t know how but somehow another awkward friendship was created. We were never very close till I grabbed you to join in the gang for recess and suddenly you were part of our Recess Gang and we had more opportunity to talk. And then you also came to VJ and we talked even more and now you’re the friend I go to for when I need someone to hang out with and just have LULZ.

To Planet. I may not have known you for as long as I’ve known Tea and Twoin, but you were my best friend in VJ who I felt most comfortable with. I didn’t understand what you were going through, or what you did a lot of the time, and I feel bad for not being there for you as much as I should have. Everyone said you were bad for me, but I’m glad I never listened to them and we’re still friends and here we are still talking, hanging out, and day by day hopefully understanding more of each other. You introduced me to so many wonderful things! You’re so blunt and unabashedly straightforward sometimes while I find the need to stutter around things and find it awkward to cut to the chase and just blurt things out when the issue is somewhat sensitive (and embarrassing to approach). And we like to do the same silly things!

Okay, I’m pretty sure I can ramble on about how these three people are the most important friends I’ve had and will ever have, but I have to cut things short because of the need to get presentable and leaving the house to watch RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION!!!!!!!

So my easy way out is this GIF:

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